Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self
by Sasha.Rizzoli
Summary: Songficone shot to the song 'Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self' by Pink. Olivia remembers a certain year of her life.


**A/N: I was listening to Pink's I'm Not Dead CD and decided to try a songfic/one shot! Memories are underlines and song lyrics are in italics!**

**I don't own anything and please read and review!**

Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self

_Conversations with my 13 year old self_

_Conversations with my 13 year old self_

_You're angry, I know this_

_The world couldn't care less_

_You're lonely, I feel this_

_And you wish you were the best_

Olivia sat at home on her couch, one cold, snowing winter night; just think about when she was 13 years old.

Serena walked in to the house drunk again, like always.

"Mum, please stop drinking"

Serena grabbed her young daughter and pushed her against the wall.

"And why should I do that?"

Olivia let some stray tears fall and received a slap from her mother.

"Please mum, I love you, but it hurts to see you drunk all the time"

"Stop crying, you sook. Crying doesn't solve anything"

"You drive all my friends away"

Serena just laughed in her daughter's face.

_No teachers or guidance_

_You always walk alone_

_You're crying at night when nobody else is home_

_Come here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling_

_I promise you that it won't always feel this bad_

Olivia wiped away some stray tears as she remember what happened the next night, after her mother left to get drunk once again.

Olivia lay in bed crying, like she did every night, her own mother treated her like shit, because she was the product of her rape and Olivia lost all of her friends because her mother was a drunk. As she lay crying that night, she thought about running away, but she thought about it every night. She couldn't do it, no matter how bad her mother treated her; she still loved her, for she was the one that gave her life.

_There are so many things I want to say to you_

_You're the girl I used to be_

_You little heartbroken 13 year old me_

_You're laughing, but you're hiding_

_God I know that trick too well_

_You forget, that I've been you_

_And now I'm just a shell_

_I promise you I love you_

_Everything will work out fine_

Olivia remembered a night, when her mother was actually home and sober.

She was sitting in her room doing home homework, when Serena walked in. "Hey Livvie, come downstairs, let's watch a movie together"

Olivia got up and followed her mother downstairs and in to the living room. They watched the move "Grease". Olivia laughed at the funny parts, along with her mother. She had enjoyed that night, but hid her true feelings, especially when the movie ended and Serena kissed her on the cheek. 

"I'm going to the pub" she said standing up.

"Please don't, mum" Olivia begged.

"I watched a movie with you, and now I am going to the pub, understand?"

Olivia nodded and turned her head away, so her mother couldn't see her tears.

Olivia rubbed her eyes. "Everything had turned out fine. I have a good job and friends. All without her help" she thought to herself.

_Don't try to grow up yet. Oh just give it some time_

_The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare_

_But you can wake up anytime_

_Don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside you_

_You're the girl I used to be_

Everyday for 2 weeks, young Olivia never lost her passion or stopped the fighting to try to get her mother to sober up.

"Mum, please stop drinking….I beg you. I love you too much"

Serena was drunk and threw her daughter up against the wall and Olivia whimpered in pain.

"If you love me, Olivia, you'll leave me alone and let me drink. You ungrateful little bitch"

That was the night that Olivia lost her passion and the fighter in her disappeared.

_The pissed off complicated 13 year old me_

_Conversations with my 13 year old self_

_Conversations with my 13 year old self_

_Until we meet again, oh I wish you well_

_Oh I wish you well, little girl until we meet again_

_Oh I wish you well, little girl_

_I wish you well until we meet again_

_My little 13 year old me_

Olivia wiped away her tears and promised herself that it would be the last time that her mother would cause her tears.

"Gosh, I had a shitty childhood…..Screw it, I'm gonna visit Casey"

She got up grabbed her mobile phone, keys and coat and walked out the door.

No more memories of her shitty, lonely childhood tonight.

**A/N: Please review and let me know whatcha think!**


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